This behavior is not normal and it’s not OK. (You deserve so much better.)
Just like an alcoholic denies their drinking problem, people in emotionally abusive relationships often default to denial as well.
There’s a common thread that runs through every abusive relationship — fear.
An abuser of any kind is an expert at making you afraid in big and subtle ways. Here are classic, sinister ways your partner actively makes you a victim of emotional abuse:
- Destroying your self-esteem with constant put-downs
- Bullying you so you feel weak and helpless
- Insulting you so you think no one else would ever want you
- Controlling you by dictating what’s right or best for you
- Criticizes you so you no longer trust yourself
- Making you dependent by destroying your confidence
- Focusing only on your faults so you forget your value
- Creating a “you” against “them” dynamic, separating you from others
- Insisting his needs are the priority, so you ignore your own
- Keeping you guessing so you can never feel safe
When you recognize you’re with an emotional abuser, it’s not easy to free yourself from their tight grip. The relationship has most likely sapped your strength and weakened your will. Separating from your partner’s manipulative ways can seem like too big a struggle, one you’re not confident you can handle.
But, there’s one thing you can do to make it easier — reach out to people for help and support. Without outside help it’s easy to fall back into your old pattern.
When you, a friend, or family member attends a 12-Step program, it provides new perspective on your situation. Experiencing your story through someone else’s eyes gives you objectivity. You’ll begin to understand what you’re dealing with and what you need to do to end this vicious cycle.
Perhaps you’re reluctant to ask for help because you feel ashamed, as it’s hard to admit you’ve put up with your partner’s bad behavior. But, you’re far from alone! A lot of women have been in at least one emotionally abusive relationship. The smart ones use those experiences to identify exactly what they DON’T want in a relationship and therefore never experience that kind of abuse again.
The last thing you want to happen is to hit rock bottom before you realize the truth. So, please take what you’ve read here to heart — reach out for help and take this opportunity to save yourself before your relationship causes too much damage.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.com
Release what’s been standing in the way of finding your special someone.
Very true, and indeed many women are with that kind of man. My ex turned out to be a narcissist, and they do all the things you mentioned, and more.
Split up 3 years ago, I worked my way through it all. In spite of that, I still have the occasional thing come up every now and then. Sometimes makes me wonder how long it takes to get it all out of my system …
I wrote a lot about it on my blog, to help others, and to get it out of my system as best as I can.
And.. I’m certain that when I do find a new partner, more things will come up. Relationship-related things that do not get triggered when you’re single.
Being with a narcissist / abuser (I was for 10 years) is not for the faint of heart. Unfortunately it’s usually the vulnerable women who fall victim.
If you got more tips and tricks about how to deal with the aftermath …
Hi Angelina, Thank you for writing. Congratulations on getting out of your abusive relationship, I know it wasn’t easy. We never stop learning and each new relationship will teach us the lessons we have to learn. There are a lot of articles on my blog that address your question, I would look under the category Breakup Survival to start. Wishing you lot’s of love. Virginia