Attract, Keep And Marry The
Love Of Your Life!

When I was single, the reason I couldn’t find a good man was my habit of “wishful hoping.” I am long past that now, but as a coach I find “wishful hoping” is probably one of the key factors that make finding your true love take so long.

“Wishful hoping” is very similar to being in a state of longing. You may understand it better if I share with you this definition of longing by Gay Hendricks:

“Longing is a persistent lingering feeling of wanting something you can’t quite get or something you’ve judged unattainable.”

To find a good man you must be honest about what it is you believe a good man to be. If you find yourself making excuses about a man’s bad behavior it’s time to re-evaluate your standards.

So what are some of the ways “wishful hoping” can show up around your relationships? Here are some examples:

• Waiting for a man to leave his wife or break-up with his girlfriend.
• Waiting for a man to drink less or stop doing drugs.
• Making excuses for a man when he doesn’t call or email you as promised.
• Continually paying for everything when he’s promised to look for work.
• Waiting for a man to take care of himself or lose weight.
• Waiting for a man to finally be “ready” to commit to you.

There are exceptions to some of these situations of course, but you get the idea.

When you’re longing [continue reading…]

As a child you probably got the message that drawing attention to yourself was self-centered and you shouldn’t make waves. That’s why you probably find it difficult to speak up for yourself, especially in relationships. The more important the problem, like whether or not to ask for a commitment, the harder it gets.

Asking for what you want and need from your partner is essential for a healthy give and take. If you’re afraid to speak up for yourself you’ll find there’s no one else who will. You have to learn how to do it, after all you’re 50% of the couple and you need to have a say as it changes and deepens.

This was one of the hardest things for me to overcome. I would let too much time go by, afraid to speak up about the future. But eventually my worry and anxiety would get the better of me and cause me to blurt something out — but never at the right time or using the right words.

I describe how this happened to me,“How I Sort of Proposed,” in chapter 4 of my book “It’s Never Too Late To Marry.” My inability to express myself in that relationship contributed a great deal to its breakup.

If now is the time (or it’s past the time) to finally bring up the subject of your future together and ask for a commitment here are 3 tips that will make it easier:

1. Don’t start this conversation when you’re upset.

If you’ve been bottling up your feelings for too long, you may reach a boiling point where out of the blue you attack him with anger and blame. Most men get [continue reading…]

Cleaning out old papers I came upon this short story I wrote 28 years ago. I was writing about myself but didn’t realize it then. I had no idea that years later I’d be a relationship coach using my experiences to help other women avoid these pitfalls: don’t snoop, don’t assume and don’t avoid asking the hard questions.

When Bruce put his key into the door, he was surprised to find it unlocked. A warning shot through his body. He carefully pulled the key out and ever so slowly opened the door.

The lights were on and standing in the middle of the living room was Marie.

“What are doing?” he began, but stopped when he saw her face. An automatic feeling of guilt washed over him but he couldn’t imagine what he had done wrong.

“You’re married, you bastard! You lied to me!”

“Wait a minute…” This was the last thing he expected. It was impossible for her to know.

“How long before you were going to tell me?”

“Tell you what? There’s nothing to tell and what are you doing in my apartment?” Damn her. He felt cornered and didn’t like it.

“I said when were you going to tell me?”

“What are you doing here, Marie?”

“She called, I shouldn’t have picked up but I couldn’t [continue reading…]