Attract, Keep And Marry The
Love Of Your Life!

Should I Marry Him wrote:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we live together. I’m 36 and he’s 38. He’s told me many times that he wants to marry me but he needs more time before he settles down for good. I really want to have children and I’m afraid to wait any longer. He says he wants children too but he’s just not ready. He’s a good man so I don’t know if I should wait to marry him or not. How can I get him to marry me?

My Answer:

Dear Should I Marry Him,

Who you marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make; you’re choosing the man you’ll spend the rest of your life with and be the father of your children. It’s a decision you don’t want to have “push” a man into.

Some men will need a little prodding in this area, but you say he’s mentioned marrying you many times. So it seems that he knows what you want, but he has kept you waiting on hold for years.

He says he wants children but he’s not ready. I question whether he really wants them…after all your age is a factor that’s impossible not to take into consideration.

As for marrying you, he has all the benefits of being married to you and none of the obligations. I’m not saying he’s not a good man, but in this situation he’s putting his own wants and needs ahead of yours and they are directly impacting the quality of your life.

Should I Marry Him: The big question is what is most important to you?

At this point in your relationship you have to make the choice of what you want for your life.  You will either:

Decide that he is the only man for you and stay with him hoping that at some future date he’ll be ready to marry you and have a family or you’ll have to face the fact that you’re need to be married and have a child over-rides everything else.

If you’re answer is the second, you’ll have to have a heart-to-heart with him and give him the chance to change his mind. If he’s still unwilling to marry you at this point, then you’ll have to honor what you want for yourself and leave the relationship. I know the idea of that outcome is scary, but if you truly want what you say you do, you’ll have to take the actions to get you there.

Whatever choice you make requires that you say “no” to the other choices; it’s a fact of life you can’t get around. There is no right or wrong; it all depends on WHAT YOU WANT.

So when you ask Should I Marry Him…my best advice is that whatever you decide, to stay with him or leave…you take the action you need to and make peace with your decision.

Dear Virginia,

I am haunted by the words a psychic told me years ago, she said that I will never get married. I would like to get her words out of my mind but I can’t forget them, especially when my relationships keep not working out.  ~Shirley

This problem is more common than you would imagine. In fact, it happened to me years ago. I wasn’t told that I will never get married, but it seemed just as bad. An astrologer told me it would be at least 10 years before I had the opportunity to marry. His words really scared me and I felt totally discouraged.

In my book “It’s Never too Late to Marry” I share what I did to counteract his prediciton. I explain how you can use this kind of experience to actually become more positive about your ability to meet the right man.

I will never get married: don’t believe it, you are in charge of your destiny!

If you’re in a relationship with a man who runs hot and cold you’ll always be at his mercy unless you get a grip on yourself. Nothing will make you more crazy and desperate than a man who is playing hide n’ seek with your emotions.

The situation is classic. He starts to pull away, you become like a dog with a bone, unwilling to reliquish what you want. You search frantically for the man who was “hot” on you. He must still feel that way — he just doesn’t know it. So your problem becomes how to get him to pursue you like he did before.

The trap is believing that there is something you have to make right, that you did something wrong that made him turn cold.

How to get a man to stop this behavior is not the question you should be asking. Rather, you need to understand why he is this way, and then maybe you’ll see that it’s not your mission to change him.

There are men who habitually run hot and cold, oblivious to the “passive aggressive” way they deal with women. It’s so much a part of them they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong or hurtful. As a result, they don’t feel the need to change.

But most hot and cold men are aware of what they’re doing. You can bet [continue reading…]