Question: “Should I Trust Him?”

Here is a question I received from Robin. Her problem is not unique and hopfully you can benefit from my answer.

“I have been dating a man for four months.  We have been an exclusive couple for the past 2 months.  However, 2 weekends ago, he told me he was getting messages from one of the dating sites when he was checking his e-mails.  I asked him if he was back on the site and he told me he needed to go in and delete it.  But he is still on the site and talking to women (he just happened to send a wink to one of my friends).  So my question is, how do I handle this?  I am absolutely devastated as I thought we really had something good going.”

Hi Robin,

I am glad you asked this question now and not years from now. You’ve been with this man for 4 short months but I can tell that you are very invested in him as you are already an “exclusive” couple. But in truth, you hardly know each other at this stage. These early months are when you should be learning more about each other and figuring out if you are a good fit.

You are both still in the “infatuation stage.” And because you still have on your rosy glasses it’s important to pay attention to his actions — not only his words.

The behavior you’ve described is a definite red-flag that you need to pay attention to and address. He told you he “needed to delete his profile” but you know he hasn’t done that because he wrote to your friend. This can be a sign that he is not being honest with you. So now besides his not telling you the truth, he may be talking with other women on line even though he is supposedly in a committed relationship with you.

It’s time for you to have a heart to heart talk with him. Don’t be afraid to “rock the boat.” You have to ask him what’s going on and find out his true intentions for your relationship. Is he ready to be exclusive with you and take himself off the dating sites or is he taking advantage of your trust and flirting with women behind your back?

Be warned, in the beginning of a relationship people are usually on their best behavior and totally into each other. If he admits to misbehaving already, you are probably in for a rocky road ahead.