The Mistake You Make When He Loses Interest

Virginia, I can’t believe what I just did! Steven texted me last night, “I miss you” and that’s all he wrote. So I texted back “I don’t believe you, why haven’t I heard from you in 3 days??? What’s going on???” I haven’t heard from him all day and I just want to die, I’ve probably lost him for good. Help!!! Becky

When a relationship doesn’t go the way we want we get scared. Becky’s impulsive reaction to Steven’s text is all too common. Like Becky, it’s easy to jump to conclusions and lose perspective.

When we think a man is pulling away we experience it as a loss of power and we instinctively go on the attack to get it back. We blame him for making us feel victimized and we lash out.

None of us likes confrontation and yet that’s exactly what we jump to when we fear we’re losing a man’s interest. Emotionally we go from 0 to 100 in seconds and, like Becky, end up acting recklessly and doing something we wish we hadn’t.

The mistake we make when he loses interest:

For one, we automatically make the man wrong for doing something that we don’t like. We blame and shame him for not treating us in the way we think he should.

We create a story in our mind about how he’s feeling towards us and then act on our belief as if it were true. We should be asking questions and remaining open but instead we over-react and end up pushing him farther away.

Even if a man is cooling in a relationship he isn’t gone yet. He may show signs, like Steven, with an over-due, “I miss you” text. However, the last thing we should do when getting sparks instead of fire is to smother them with our anger.

In Becky’s case Steven still reached out by telling her he missed her. The last thing she should have done at this point is attack him. If he was truly just leading her on, challenging him may be justified. But at this point she doesn’t know for sure if that’s the truth.

We have to stop assuming what a man is feeling and actually ask him what’s going on.

The lesson here is to remain curious and open even when he loses interest. Fear will always keep us from finding out the truth. If we let fear take over we’ll miss the chance of saving the relationship and giving it a chance to grow.

If we want a man to stay with us we have to stop thinking we know what he’s feeling. We need to remain available to hear his side without making him wrong.

As I told Becky, I don’t think Steven is gone for good. Most likely, he cares for her and has realized he should have gotten in touch sooner.

He’ll probably give her time to cool down and reach out to her again. Hopefully this time Becky will take the opportunity to remain open and make herself availbe to what he has to offer.