You Can Kill New Love Before It Starts

We know it’s not easy to find a man you really click with. If you are Internet dating or just going to singles events, it can take a lot of false starts and disappointing dates before you find a man who really captures your interest.

The fact that you go through so many unsatisfying dating experiences before you meet a man who “rings your bell,” puts you at a definite disadvantage. It’s like trudging through a hot desert and finally seeing an oasis up ahead. Your natural reaction is to run towards water and drink your fill, but this can be a problem — you don’t yet know if the water is real or just a mirage.

Here are 3 big mistakes that could ruin a new relationship before it gets off the ground:

1. You try to make something happen: Because of the excitement at this new chance at love, you have a hard time letting things develop in their own time. Your need for assurance makes you start to manipulate and push to make things happen. Examples: making up rules in your head for how much and when he should text you or call; planning your life around his schedule rather than your own or starting to plan where you go and what you do on your dates.
2. You put him on a pedestal: This is a big one. You go out with a man on 3 or 4 dates and feel as if you know everything about him. You get swept off your feet and decide he’s a perfect match. You endow him all sorts of wonderful attributes ignoring that only the test of time will reveal someone’s true character. This is a dangerous practice and the leading cause of broken hearts. You end up with a terrible feeling of having given yourself to someone you thought was wonderful and he turns out to be not at all who you thought he was.
3. You try to make a good impression: You think you’re in love, which makes you more vulnerable. He’s too good to be true and you worry if you’re enough for him. To hide your feelings of insecurity, you put on a show of confidence. Before you know it, you’ve lost your self as you start doing things to impress him and to make yourself look better.

All these mistakes can be avoided if you develop a strong sense of your own worth — a healthy self-esteem. It’s the foundation of any successful relationship. Without it you’ll make bad choices and act in ways that limit your ability to love. With self-esteem you’ll be able to allow for the natural unfolding of new love without losing yourself along the way.